Middle Eastern-ish Roasted Chicken, Tennis and Grammar

Hello all. Today's lesson is tri-fold. As the title suggests, m'post is gonna be 'bout Chicken, Tennis an' Grammar. Not at all in that order.

1st off, I caught some shit about my grammar in the post previous. Now, I caught said shit from a respected colleage (sp?) of mine, co-proprietor of the non-famous (not infamous) Cynide's . Well, here's one for you Cy, I'm a gonna do my li'l diddy here w/o a wurry 'bout no gramma. 'sat coo?

YEAH YEAH YEAH, I'm the one that went to skoo for literature. I'm the one that likes to write 'N SHIT. h-o-w-e-v-e-r, I'm not interested in even beginning to give a shit about t-h-e writing here as much as am interested in sharing some 'o my food experi-ences and experi-ments. Thus is the point in this MF. Da gramma, bitch, is b'side da point. Unnerstandwareimat?

'Nuf 'bout da gramma. (There's a 'yomamma' joke here but I'm not going to take it.)

NEXT. Tennis.

Played tennis today, was thinking much of the time about the chicken I was going to make later. I was distracted. By Roasted Chicken. As we all should be, sometime. The game wasn't bad at all, in fact it was a lot of fun. There was a little bit of running, then standing around, and then running again. Next time we should bring cookies or something. Maybe some sanitary napkins. It was really not what tennis is ordinarily described as. If anything, it was a game and it was fun. We ought to do it a bit more often, actually, to call it tennis but at least it was ACTUAL TENNIS not Serena 2005 by EA Sports offered to you on the X Box.

The people that actually play tennis would be angry at what I and my buddy did today on the court. I apologize for calling it tennis from the get-go but we have as much of a right to be there learning and thinking about the game as does any other gut-screaming man-bitch like the fool that was there with us on the other side of the courts.

Life would be better if people just got distracted a little bit more often by Roasted Chicken. Ya kaint tel me no diff'rnt Cy. Ya jus' kaint.

I'm not gonna front. I'm just makin' some chicken. Here's what's on for the night, besides my laundry.

Entree:
Honey Roasted Full Chicken with Middle Eastern Style Blackberry Tainted Stuffing.
(No. It ain't as good as last time. Shit. I don't have the time to do this shit aaaallll the time.)

Here's what you need:

A chicken, preferrably dead, cavity 'created.' From the store style dead roaster chicken. Simple stuff.
Some old bread. I happened to have some old middle eastern pan bread laying around because I live near a middle-eastern owned liqour store I frequent often. You can use any kind of fucking bread you want just have about a 12 inch bowl full of it, torn apart, when you're done prepping. That should do you on the bread front.
4 stalks Celery
4 Carrots
1 yellow Onion
.5 cup 1% Milk
.5 cup Orange Blossom Honey
12 Blackberries
.5 cup slivered Almonds
Olive Oil
Corriander
Tarragon
Salt and Pepper
1 Lemon

Chop up! Chop up the Onion, Celery, Onion and Carrot! Do it! Put 'em on the Olive Oil on medium high! Get 'em all soft... AND! Pre-heat oven to about 375. 350 to 375, right 'round there.

Meanwhile, take the old bread, break it up in your fingers, into small pieces, in a bowl. Splash some milk on the mother. Toss it around a bit. Don't worry, it's gonna like it. By the time the bread is all loved by the milk, your veggies are gonna be soft and ready to go...

When the veggies are soft throw on the bread mix with the Blackberries, Corriander, Tumeric and some more salt and pepper. Don't be afraid to taste. Go for it, see what it's like and give it some more love. Love being salt and pepper and a little dance. If you've got a little dance in you then you should do it now. Otherwise it's all work.

Put the two together, the bread and the sauteed veggies. Let them enjoy each other. Toss them. Fondle them over low heat. Can you tell this is a perverted sport?

All right. At this point the Chicken is ready to move. Now, when you get a roaster chicken, you usually get the gullet and the liver and the kidneys, etc. I DO LIKE THAT SHIT. All kinds of ways, but that's not our recipe here. If you'd like, take the interns (the liver, kids and whatnot) chop 'em up and throw 'em in with the stuffing. Great shit, you won't be sorry.

Thing is though, usually when you get a chicken, the cavity has a bunch of fat a what-not floating around. No better way to put it, it's just hangin' around the hole there. Well. Take it, cut it off with a sharp knife and put it aside. Then, at the front of the bird, make a hole over the top of the breasts and shove up there the fatty pieces you just cut off the ass.
The fat's going to drizzle down over the 'dry' meat that we all know as the breasts and make them.... well.... good. As breasts. They're going to be good.

Take the Chicken and flip it so the bottom, the non-breast side, is up. Dump a bunch of honey on the honey then flip it back over.

Grab yourself the lemon, cut her in half. Take one of the halves and shove it up the cavity of the Chicken, open side of the lemon to the open side of the Chicken. Then, with your hands grab bunches of the stuffing you've made and shove it right on in. Stuff the Chicky until you can't really anymore. Then grab the other half of the lemon and end the lunacy by placing it face-in and covering the cavity with the skin.

You do understand that you need a pretty large thing to make this shit on in right?

M...Kay. We'll assume that you all understand that you should be working with an oven pan able to accommodate a Chicken.

Good. You're over the shitty part. Coat the Chicken with some more Honey. If you've got your own Essence or somehting throw that over the top. Look at it, give it a big kiss and throw it in the oven. 20 mins. Pull it out, little bit more Honey all over, and back in, 20 mins.

When you check on it.


Again 20 mins.

It will get browned. Sugar browned. Remember we dumped a bunch of sugar on this bitch with the honey. Let it sit for a bit when it's done... you'll see it...