Holy Crap That's a Lot of Chicken.

Last night I got a little too drunk. You might have been able to tell by the ending of the previous post. Not that I, nor you should care but I screwed up the recipe a little bit and didn't tell you about a few things.

All the big stuff is A-OK. Yes you should actually have a chicken and yes you should have an oven. Pretty much the only thing I left out is to use fresh, whole Corriander and be sure to mash it with the Tumeric between a little wax paper or something with the flat side of a meat tenderizing hammer or a mortar and pestal. Hey, a mortar and pestal would do the trick just dandy.

I think this is really important to use fresh spice so that it opens up real well with the absorbency of the bread. Also, don't be afraid to sprinkle some of that Honey over the stuffing. That's great too.

All right, so now it's the next day and you've got all this chicken and stuffing. Hopefully it's cold because you covered it with a little wax paper and tin foil and had it in the fridge. I always do this with the wax paper under tin because I don't believe it's really tin and it's probably not aluminum either. A few times I covered some meat with foil and it started to corrode after a day where it came in contact with the meat. I, personally, didn't feel all that great about that mainly because there wasn't any evidence of where the corroded away segments of the foil went. I can only assume that they were absorbed into the meat which can't be all that good.

So what to do with all this chicken? Well, I have a job as might you and I'm going to use it for lunches that I'll microwave there. But tonight, while I cut off all the goods from the carcass, I'm going to heat the oven to 350 and heat it in there for about 15 - 20 minutes. I hate the microwave. I hate what it does to food. Makes it all gummy and weird. When it's real food anyway. I guess it's fine for the Swanson crap.

If you're like me, you made the chicken with a shit-load of stuffing in the same cast-iron pan or baking dish. Take a fork, after you've cut or pulled off the big chunks of the chicken and rake the carcass to loosen and pull of all the little bits and pieces of meat still left on it. Do this in the same pan or dish that you cooked it all in last night.

A good thing about cast-iron pans is that you can leave everything the night before sitting in it and then put it back on the stove the next day and heat it. This is what's going on for me right now. Take the carcass after you've raked off the little tid-bits into the left over stuffing, and throw it away. If you want, you can boil it in water with some veggies to make a weak chicken broth but screw that. Chuck it.

Heat that pasty mess up. Nice thing is you'll have all the chicken fat still in the pan and you can mix and heat that into the stuffing. Now divvy it out into some plastic containers and put in some big chicken pieces and you've got lunches all ready to go.

By now the chicken in the oven's done, I'm sure and you can take some of your freshly re-heated stuffing and have a repeat of last night. Sure it's simple. Do you think I'd be writing this if I was a brain surgeon?

Middle Eastern-ish Roasted Chicken, Tennis and Grammar

Hello all. Today's lesson is tri-fold. As the title suggests, m'post is gonna be 'bout Chicken, Tennis an' Grammar. Not at all in that order.

1st off, I caught some shit about my grammar in the post previous. Now, I caught said shit from a respected colleage (sp?) of mine, co-proprietor of the non-famous (not infamous) Cynide's . Well, here's one for you Cy, I'm a gonna do my li'l diddy here w/o a wurry 'bout no gramma. 'sat coo?

YEAH YEAH YEAH, I'm the one that went to skoo for literature. I'm the one that likes to write 'N SHIT. h-o-w-e-v-e-r, I'm not interested in even beginning to give a shit about t-h-e writing here as much as am interested in sharing some 'o my food experi-ences and experi-ments. Thus is the point in this MF. Da gramma, bitch, is b'side da point. Unnerstandwareimat?

'Nuf 'bout da gramma. (There's a 'yomamma' joke here but I'm not going to take it.)

NEXT. Tennis.

Played tennis today, was thinking much of the time about the chicken I was going to make later. I was distracted. By Roasted Chicken. As we all should be, sometime. The game wasn't bad at all, in fact it was a lot of fun. There was a little bit of running, then standing around, and then running again. Next time we should bring cookies or something. Maybe some sanitary napkins. It was really not what tennis is ordinarily described as. If anything, it was a game and it was fun. We ought to do it a bit more often, actually, to call it tennis but at least it was ACTUAL TENNIS not Serena 2005 by EA Sports offered to you on the X Box.

The people that actually play tennis would be angry at what I and my buddy did today on the court. I apologize for calling it tennis from the get-go but we have as much of a right to be there learning and thinking about the game as does any other gut-screaming man-bitch like the fool that was there with us on the other side of the courts.

Life would be better if people just got distracted a little bit more often by Roasted Chicken. Ya kaint tel me no diff'rnt Cy. Ya jus' kaint.

I'm not gonna front. I'm just makin' some chicken. Here's what's on for the night, besides my laundry.

Entree:
Honey Roasted Full Chicken with Middle Eastern Style Blackberry Tainted Stuffing.
(No. It ain't as good as last time. Shit. I don't have the time to do this shit aaaallll the time.)

Here's what you need:

A chicken, preferrably dead, cavity 'created.' From the store style dead roaster chicken. Simple stuff.
Some old bread. I happened to have some old middle eastern pan bread laying around because I live near a middle-eastern owned liqour store I frequent often. You can use any kind of fucking bread you want just have about a 12 inch bowl full of it, torn apart, when you're done prepping. That should do you on the bread front.
4 stalks Celery
4 Carrots
1 yellow Onion
.5 cup 1% Milk
.5 cup Orange Blossom Honey
12 Blackberries
.5 cup slivered Almonds
Olive Oil
Corriander
Tarragon
Salt and Pepper
1 Lemon

Chop up! Chop up the Onion, Celery, Onion and Carrot! Do it! Put 'em on the Olive Oil on medium high! Get 'em all soft... AND! Pre-heat oven to about 375. 350 to 375, right 'round there.

Meanwhile, take the old bread, break it up in your fingers, into small pieces, in a bowl. Splash some milk on the mother. Toss it around a bit. Don't worry, it's gonna like it. By the time the bread is all loved by the milk, your veggies are gonna be soft and ready to go...

When the veggies are soft throw on the bread mix with the Blackberries, Corriander, Tumeric and some more salt and pepper. Don't be afraid to taste. Go for it, see what it's like and give it some more love. Love being salt and pepper and a little dance. If you've got a little dance in you then you should do it now. Otherwise it's all work.

Put the two together, the bread and the sauteed veggies. Let them enjoy each other. Toss them. Fondle them over low heat. Can you tell this is a perverted sport?

All right. At this point the Chicken is ready to move. Now, when you get a roaster chicken, you usually get the gullet and the liver and the kidneys, etc. I DO LIKE THAT SHIT. All kinds of ways, but that's not our recipe here. If you'd like, take the interns (the liver, kids and whatnot) chop 'em up and throw 'em in with the stuffing. Great shit, you won't be sorry.

Thing is though, usually when you get a chicken, the cavity has a bunch of fat a what-not floating around. No better way to put it, it's just hangin' around the hole there. Well. Take it, cut it off with a sharp knife and put it aside. Then, at the front of the bird, make a hole over the top of the breasts and shove up there the fatty pieces you just cut off the ass.
The fat's going to drizzle down over the 'dry' meat that we all know as the breasts and make them.... well.... good. As breasts. They're going to be good.

Take the Chicken and flip it so the bottom, the non-breast side, is up. Dump a bunch of honey on the honey then flip it back over.

Grab yourself the lemon, cut her in half. Take one of the halves and shove it up the cavity of the Chicken, open side of the lemon to the open side of the Chicken. Then, with your hands grab bunches of the stuffing you've made and shove it right on in. Stuff the Chicky until you can't really anymore. Then grab the other half of the lemon and end the lunacy by placing it face-in and covering the cavity with the skin.

You do understand that you need a pretty large thing to make this shit on in right?

M...Kay. We'll assume that you all understand that you should be working with an oven pan able to accommodate a Chicken.

Good. You're over the shitty part. Coat the Chicken with some more Honey. If you've got your own Essence or somehting throw that over the top. Look at it, give it a big kiss and throw it in the oven. 20 mins. Pull it out, little bit more Honey all over, and back in, 20 mins.

When you check on it.


Again 20 mins.

It will get browned. Sugar browned. Remember we dumped a bunch of sugar on this bitch with the honey. Let it sit for a bit when it's done... you'll see it...

I'll Sleep When I Can't Ceviche

Will?! Will?!! Is that you Will?

No. It's me, raw seafood. The fuck's yer prollem?

I've got to tell you, if you like the sushi, if you've had ceviche, you ought to make it for yourself. Hell, I just did and I will tell you, I feel like more of a... you thought I'd say "man" but no, I feel like more of a damn human being for doing what I did.

I'm just startin this thing and I've gotta give writing this stuff a chance, however the ideal is that I'll be posting photos of my plated dishes for you to drool and fall down over. Mainly because I haven't done any culinary schooling and I probably won't be doing so any time soon.

I watch movies, avoid television, except for the occasional cooking show or educational channel, and I like to cook and drink. Sometimes some good shit comes of it.

TONIGHT'S MENU:

Entree
Wild Tuna, Shrimp and Bay Scallop Ceviche over a Butter Lettuce, Fruit Salad with a side of Guacamole. Specifically coupled with a Potato Vodka White Russian and a touch of Cinnamon.

Dessert
Breaded, Fried Bananas under Calvados sauce with Nutmeg and Cinnamon. Coupled with a Chilean Merlot.

So granted, as usual it was mostly experimentation, however I have to say it came out amazingly well. The shrimp and bay scallop were so buttery I was reminded of them again with the Calvados sauce. I didn't fuck it up at all having too much citrus in the ceviche brew and the pears went fabulously with the orange bell peppers I happened to find at the store tonight. Truly an amazing mix of luck of craving, I've got to tell someone how to throw this easy thing together.

First off, we'll start with the entree. Get yourself:

Ceviche
.5 lb, Wild Tuna, 1 cm. cubed
.25 lb, Raw shrimp, de-veined, chopped to match size of scallops
.25 lb, Bay Scallop or local small scallop
Juice of 3 Limes and 1 Lemon
5 sprigs of fresh Thyme
Olive Oil
Salt and Fresh Ground Pepper
Sesame Seeds
(This will do about 3-4 people)

Butter Lettuce and Fruit Salad, Guacamole side
1 head Butter Lettuce, 4 leaves reserved, rest chopped
1 firm Pear (I don't care what kind), chopped fine
1 medium Cucumber, chopped fine
1 orange Bell Pepper, chopped fine
1 handfull chopped Basil
2 Avocado, mashed
Juice of .5 lemon
Salt and Fresh Ground Pepper
(This will also do about 3-4 people)

White Russian
1 part Kahluah
2 part Vodka (I used Potato Vodka)
3 part Milk (Some use .5 and .5, I use 1% milk. Do what you want.)
Ice
Cinnamon

First have 3 White Russians, no Cinnamon, then, combine fish in a bowl with Fruit Juice, Olive oil, Thyme, Salt and Pepper. Let it sit for about 40 minutes in the fridge. Go by every now and then while sipping White Russian and give it a bit of a stir. You'll see the citrus from the fruit 'cooking' the meat a little bit. This is good.

While all of that is going on, combine chopped Butter Lettuce, Pear, Pepper, Basil in another bowl and toss with the Lemon Juice. The juice will keep the Pear from browining and will help the lettuce from wilting too quickly.

Hang out for a while and then take your reserved 4 leaves of the lettuce and put them on the edge of your plate(s). 1 per. I have all 4 on one plate doing something crazy but you don't need that much.

When you're ready to serve, scrape out the avocados in a third bowl and mash with salt and pepper. Keep it simple because you don't want to kill the flavor of the Fruit and you want the smooth texture of it mashed. Don't over mash it. Leave some chunks in there.

Next put a generous amount of the Salad down on the plates so that it holds up the whole Butter Lettuce leaf straight up into the air. Give the plate some dimension.

Spoon the Ceviche (fish mixture) over the salad in a pile. This will make a bit of a fuzzy to sharp contrast on the plate. The colors of the pepper against the light and dark greens is also cool. Spoon on some marinade as dressing. Add a dollop of the Guacamole somewhere there on the side so that one can take as much as they wish as they're eating the dish. Sprinkle the Ceviche with a tiny bit of the Sesame Seeds.

Serve with ice cold White Russian with a tiny sprinkle of Cinnamon for the smell. It's really an interesting add that makes the dish quite fun.

For dessert:

4 ripe Bananas
Flour
2 Eggs
.25 cup Milk
Unseasoned Bread Crumbs
.5 cup Granulated Sugar
1 cup Calvados
Nutmeg
Cinnamon
Confectioners (Powdered) Sugar
Vegetable Oil
4 tbsp Butter

Take some brown (ripe) bananas that you don't know what to do with. Dredge quarters of each banana in Flour, Beaten Eggs with a little Milk, and un-seasoned bread crumbs in that order. Make sure you get a good coat in each. Fry them in veggie oil on pretty high until golden on all sides. Do this in batches for more than 1-2 people. It's ok, the outside will stay crispy if you hurry.

For the sauce, put the Granulated sugar in a shallow pan and heat on medium. Get it melting but be sure to keep moving it about so that it doesn't burn. As soon as it starts to seem like it's sticking to the pan be super careful and be sure to get the rest of the sugar doing the same thing along with the excitable bunch that started early. Pour in the Calvados and add the butter and just a pinch or 3 of some Nutmeg. Let it go crazy for a just a hot second and then turn down the heat some. Let it simmer while you're frying the bananas... in batches, remember.

Next take a bowl and mix some confectioner's suger with a healthy dose of Cinnamon and some more Nutmeg. Go easy on the Nutmeg though because you've already put some in the sauce. Mix those dry ingredients up well and keep on keepin' on with the banana frying and making sure the Calvados isn't getting too thick or burning to the pan.

The Calvados sauce will reduce a little bit more than a half and that's when you're about all set to serve.

To serve, take 4 quarter Bananas and pile them as high in whatever crazy configuration you want on a small plate. Spoon over a good dose of the Calvados sauce and top with a healthy sprinkle of the Sugar and Cinnamon mix. Serve with a medium bodied Merlot. It worked for me.

All right then, I'm calling it a night. That's my first entry, I'm done watching the dull film of the night, "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead," and I'm ready to turn in. Not die, just go get some shut eye.

'Til next time,

Cheers.